Are you a newcomer?  We extend our hearts in understanding, and regret the reason you are joining us.  We welcome you to any of our chapter meetings, and hope you will feel free to contact any of the chapter leaders.  If you are planning to attend your first meeting, feelings can be overwhelming, but please try to attend two or three meetings before making the decision about whether it will work for you.  At the meeting you may find just the right person or just the right words said that will help you in your grief work.

___________________________________________________________________________Worldwide Candle Lighting, December 11, 2011, 7:00 p.m.

    The "signature" event of The Compassionate Friends is held on the second Sunday in December.   The ceremony creates a virtual 24 hour wave of light as it moves from time zone to time zone around the world.
    Wherever  you are at that time, we hope you will join us in this loving remembrance.  The Worldwide Candle Lighting  gives bereaved families everywhere the opportunity to remember their child, sibling or grandchild... that their light may aways shine!!!   A memorial board message board will be available that evening at www.compassionatefriends.org. 

    The Independence and South Kansas City Chapters are combined for this event.  Our program on December 11, will begin at 7:00 p.m.   at the Walnut Gardens Community of Christ, 19201 R. D. Mize Rd, in Independence.   It will include special music, a guest speaker and readings.
    Please join us for refreshments and fellowship following the program.
    (1)  You may bring a snack to share.
    (2)  If you would like a picture button made, come by 6:30 p.m. and  bring a
          picture that will fit in a 2 1/2 inch or 3 inch circle.
    (3) Please bring a picture for the memory table and if desired
    (4)  A gift in memory of your child to be given to the Salvation Army.
    
    The Olathe and Leavenworth chapters will also have a program that night. 


The Olathe Chapter of The Compassionate Friends will host a Regional Conference on the week-end of February 17 and 18.   It will be held at the Double Tree Hotel in Olathe, KS.
Keynote speakers include, Alan Wolfelt, Darcie Sims, Kris Munsch, and Alan Pederson.  You may obtain more information at www.sunflowerskc@hotmail.com Wor

 "The holiest of all holidays are those kept by
ourselves, silent and apart:  the secret
anniversaries of the heart."                                           
                                Henry Wadsworth Longellow



 
Alan and Denise Pederson's 8 Rules for Surviving the Holidays:

1.   Do it your way...For some grievers, keeping old traditions brings comfort, for others doing things "as usual" is painful.  We are all different and what works for you may not work for somebody else.  So, be true to yourself.
2.   Rules are meant to be bent or broken... Others in your life may try to "guilt" you into participating in an event or custom that you've always been a part of.  While it may be important to them that you do not break tradition, let them know that it will take time for you to resolve what traditions you are able to keep, alter or do away with completely and that old rules DO NOT apply to new grief.
3.  Pencils work better than pens...  anticipation of Holidays and specail events can often be more stressful than the events themselves.  When considering accepting an invitation to a Holiday event, ask the host to "pencil" you in and let them know that your participation will depend on how well you are doing the day of the event.   If you are pressed to give a definitive answer, trust your instincts when choosing to say yes or no.  Pencils are best;  just make sure you have an eraser close at hand.
4.  Laugh and the world laughs with  you, cry and you cry alone.... Many people will try to cheer you up and try to find a silver lining to your grief.  Expect cheesy cliches and  well  intentioned, bad advice from others who see your grief and tears as rain on their Holiday parade.  Once again, be true to yourslf, because masks are for Halloween and Halloween has passed.
5.  Let people know you aren't "expecting"... Expectations begin with you, so don't put big expectations about how well you will handle the Holidays or how much you will be able to participate.  But on the flip side, don't over estimate how difficult it may be.  Grief during the Holidays can fluctuate wildly.  You will have some good days, when  you can function, and you will have some bad days, when the pain is unbearable.  Expect the unexpected.
6.  It's my "pity" and I'll cry if I want to...  Tears are our tribute to our beautiful loved ones and nothing is more healing, or makes us feel closer to them than when we cry.   The Holiday season will surely touch every emotion and flood you with memories of happy times in the past.   Throw yourself a pity party whenever you feel like it, a time to just sit with your memories and cry if you want to.
7.  Take care of yourself...  When in doubt, choose to nurture yourself and be kind to you.  Take ample time to do what you enjoy or what brings you peace.  If it's exercise, reading, meditation, shopping or simply sitting alone with your thoughts.   The Holiday season is the most stressful time of the year for most grieving people.  Take extra care of YOU and YOUR needs.
8.  Giving is the gift that keeps on giving...Healing begins when we help others.  Many grievers find that reaching out and helping the lonely and those less fortunate can be a great source of comfort during this season.  Some will buy gifts for complete strangers or fulfill a needy child's Christmas Wish List.  We know from experience that serving others during the Holidays gives us more healing than anything ese we've ever tried.  So, if you're up to it, start  new traditions of volunteerism or helping to make somebody else's Holiday a little brighter.  It just might lighten yhour load and brighten your Holidays, just a little bit.
Written By:  Aan and Denise Pedersen 2010
www.AngelsAcrossTheUSA.com 



TO HONOR YOU

To honor you, I get up every day and take a breath
And start another day without you in it.

To honor you, I laugh and love with those who knew your smile
And the way your eyes twinkled with mischief and secret knowledge.

To honor you I listen to music you would have liked, 
And sing at the top of my lungs, with the windows rolled down.

To  honor you, I take chances, say what I feel, hold nothing back,
Risk making a fool of myself, dance every dance.

You were my light, my heart, my gift of love, from the very highest source.

So every day, I vow to make a difference, share a smile, live, laugh and love.
Now I live for both, so all I do, I do to honor you.

Written by Connie F. Kiefer Byrd    In Loving Memory of Jordan Alexander Kiefer


A Letter to My Family and Friends

    Thank you for not expecting too much from me this holiday season.

    Itwill be our first Christmas without our child, and I have
all I can do coping with the "spirit" of the holiday on the radio,
TV, in the newspaper and stores.  We do not feel joyous, and
trying to pretend this Christmas is going to be like the last will 
be impossible...because we are missing one.

    Our family traditions will be too painful for us to continue 
this year.  Please understand this, and maybe some Christmas
in the future we will have these traditions again.

    Please allow me to talk about my child, if I feel a need.
Don't be uncomfortable with my tears.  My heart is  breaking,
and the tears are a way of letting out my sadness.

    I plan to do something special in memory of my child.
Please recognize my need to do this in order to keep memories 
alive.  My fear is not that I will forget, but that you will.

    Please don't criticize me if I do something that you don't
think is normal.   I'm a different person now, and it may take a
long time before this different person reaches an acceptance of
my child's death.

    As I survive the stages of grief, I will need your patience 
and support, especially during these holiday times and the
"special" days throughout the year.  Thank you for not expecting
too much from me this holiday season.

written by --A Bereaved Parent, TCF, Madison, 




My child died.
I felt my life died, too.
I went to a support group
And there I met you.

You said my life would have meaning again.
Your words didn't mean much to me
But I watched as you helped others
As you listened so tenderly.

You were my symbol of hope
That someday life would be worth living.
You showed me how to start,
That living again begins with grieving.

Marilyn Willet Heavlin  1996



When the time comes
For lighting festive candles, 
Let them remind you not only
of what you lost, but also
Of what you had

--Sasha Wagner



Wintersong

Season of light, season of love and peace

Season of shadow, season of memories

Season of warmth and joy, season of secret tears:

        Give us the courage to laugh again

        Give us the vision to hope again

        Give us the power to love again

                For all our new seasons

                And all our new years

written by Sasha Wagner